Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone
by walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: After the wedding, Amy and Karma have a hard time being in the same room.


**Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone**

**Part I**

"You love me right?" Karma asked, nervously, as if to touch base.

"Of course I do," Amy scoffed feeling useless. They'd been dancing around each other for weeks, ignoring one another, mournfully staring across the halls and classrooms, avoiding each other's gazes and keeping to themselves.

"I can't live like this," Karma said, wanting to burst. "These past few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life." It was almost like the wedding night, only this time karma was the one confessing. She was unable to deal with it, the separation.

"I never told you to stay away from me," Amy said. She had been so torn up about the wedding night, she just assumed karma needed to take a break.

"I know," Karma sighed shakily, turning from Amy to sit down on a chair.

They were in math-class but school was out. Mr. Tutor had left and somehow the door shut with both of them inside. It had been a freak accident. Usually Amy runs out early. Today her bag got caught in the chair because she was so dazed when she arrived. She got stuck. They got stuck.

It was the oddest sort of occurrence. Like fate moving them along. As soon as the door sealed they both felt the air go out of their lungs. All they could do was stare. And they were seeing each other. They couldn't ignore the eyes staring back at them like deep cavernous windows with so much to be seen.

"This is killing me karma," Amy said. She was holding her bag strap and almost pleading with her expression for this to just end. "If I thought, I mean," she stumbled. " If I ever thought in a million years that telling you the truth meant we couldn't even be friends. I never wouldve done it," Amy's chin began to shake so she moved her mouth quickly to hide it. She didn't know what to do, whether she should run or stay, fight or cry.

"We're still friends," Karma said, with tears leaving her eyes.

"Are we really?" amy scoffed, her mouth hanging open as she gasped almost silently. her eyes fought for understanding but they stared wordlessly, both missing each other like crazy. "We don't talk, we don't fight. I can't even look at you without feeling like I did this."

"You didn't do anything." Karma fought, seeing her pain. "And I will never NOT be your friend," Karma said, thinking. She was trying to get everything right. "This is just..."

"Complicated," Amy scoffed, anticipating the dreadful word that had never belonged to them. She licked the back of her teeth with her tongue, inhaling. She found herself looking down at the ground. No matter what they weren't friends. They couldn't be. She had ruined it.

"Why couldn't you be a boy?" Karma asked. She was joking, she really was. She didn't want Amy to be a boy, not ever.

"Don't say shit like that," Amy cried, holding her head. Her eyes squinted at the horrible sentence of normal words. Separate the words were fine but together they felt violent and hurtful. The sentence stabbed her in the gut.

"I love you soooo much," Karma fought. She realized that the joke not only wasn't funny, but it was so hurtful she could never take it back. She stood up and took a step forward, reaching out. But she paused when Amy spoke.

"Just not enough, right?" Amy said, tears dripping down her cheek. She wiped one cheek bitterly with her hand, feeling more pathetic than she felt five minutes before. "Not enough to kiss me for real and hold me for real and go to prom with me for real. Not enough to do all that." It was like Amy was stuck in it, that sorrow. She was seeing everything all over again. But now it was stained and dark.

Karma felt her heart being squeezed. She loved Amy, more than anyone in the world. More than her Mom and her Dad. More than Liam. Even more than her Nana who had passed.

"For as long as I can remember," Karma begged, walking closer. "You've always been my everything, Amy. My whole world. The only thing good."

Amy watched as karma hugged herself and stopped three steps away, leaving that distance there that stung like alcohol in her throat.

Someone opened the door and broke them from staring.

"Guess that's over now," Amy cried, trying to speak but barely holding it together. She looked at Karma, seeing her like it may be the last time. "Guess now I'm your everything, but." Amy said. Once the words were out she crumbled like rubble. She walked fast out the door, needing to breath and cry anywhere else.

Karma fell back in her chair. That thought hit her hard.

If Amy meant everything, why was there even a limit?

She held at her face like she had been punched and wailed unrelenting, not caring about the kid who should not have been there and the way she must've appeared.

**Part II**

They had been going on for weeks and weeks now like this. When they weren't together, half the time they were crying. And when they were together, they kept a safe distance, both trying not to stare or throw stones.

Liam and Shane had been watching the whole show. Maybe not that in the classroom but what they could see from the quad and the parking lot.

"There's gotta be something we can do..." Shane said, feeling guilty.

"Poor Karma," Liam said.

"Poor Karma?!" Shane scoffed. "Poor Amy!"

"I've never seen her like this." Liam was still focused on Karma. He stared at her sadly and felt sorry for himself.

"Yeah well, she's doing everything wrong," Shane said. He was pissed off and annoyed.

"They were friends, that's hard..." Liam said, defensively.

"No, they _are_ friends." Shane corrected. He knew the fighting couldn't last. "And this is all wrong Liam. It's a textbook of wrong." He pinched his bottom lip with his thumb and finger and stared between the two noticing how they would each gaze when the other looked away. It was the saddest most accurate display of teen angst he had ever fucking seen in real life.

Shane found himself suddenly and inexcusably annoyed by Liam's presence. He wondered briefly what Liam was thinking and then threw that thought away because he knew he shouldn't care.

"I can't believe you did this," Shane blamed feeling gross. He had been holding it in for a very long time now. His upset with Liam over the way in which he chose to handle Karma's lies. At first, after the wedding, Shane thought, _they'll get through this, they're destined_. But now, four weeks later, seeing Karma over near the building alone and Amy over near the tree, it just hit him. It hit him like a ton of bricks. This wasn't getting better! It wasn't. And a lot of that was his fault. If he had told Liam right away maybe things wouldn't have gone down the way they did.

"Shane," Liam groaned, wanting to laugh. There was no way in hell all the blame could fall on Liam. Al least, that's what Liam thought once he heard what Shane had said.

"No Liam, I mean it. This was you, you did this." Shane spat. It wasn't like them to fight. They were usually overly supportive and jovial at every turn.

"You're crazy," Liam smiled. He wasn't sure why Shane was being fiesty today. Liam usually loved to take the blame for shitty things but for some reason this one really rubbed him wrong. When he thought about it, it made him extremely uncomfortable. He couldn't hear Shane as being truthful, so he tried to laugh it off.

"You knew Amy loved her!" Shane yelled. "I told you everything and you slept with her anyway."

"Karma had screwed us both. It just happened," Liam shrugged.

"Look, I know Amy. She's a good person, soft as a puppy. You knew she was vulnerable and drunk and you used that. You used her." Shane was suddenly so livid that his eyes weren't seeing straight.

"I didn't use her, we both wanted to."

"That's bullshit Liam!" Shane snapped. "Look! I didn't want to have to say it but your hand in this was huge!"

"Fine!" Liam said, finally responding to the accusations. "Since we're exchanging notes, maybe we should talk about all your secrets and scheming."

"Not outting someone to the person they're in love with isn't a crime. It's a courtesy." Shane knew he was right.

"Yeah well, you kept it from me. Karma's lies," he made sure to say.

"Maybe I thought you should figure it out yourself."

"Yeah or maybe you're a shit friend Shane," Liam said it, the thing he had been thinking ever since the night of the wedding. They hadn't been dancing around each other like Karma and Amy but Liam and Shane had been extra mild the past few weeks, skipping out on each other's plans and making excuses to be apart.

"I used to idolize you, ya know." Shane said. He was feeling like being cruel. Tears of rage were stinging his eyes since the topic had been burning inside him for weeks and just festering like an unstoppable storm. "I used to think, look at him, so handsome, so unattached. I thought you had it all. I actually wanted to be you." Shane backtracked, "the gay version of you, but still, I wanted that. I was jealous of that."

"Oh yea, what's changed?" Liam asked, knowing that Shane was about to sting him with something hard and cruel.

"I guess I have," Shane realized just in speaking. It wasn't a sting but that almost made it worse for Liam. "You're not unattached. You're a coward, Liam. Afraid to commit. Afraid to really love. Afraid to get hurt." Shane swallowed hard staring at Liam straight in the eyes with a clarity and anger that Liam had never seen in him before. "You hurt people. You hurt them and you blame them for their pain."

"Shane, I didnt mean-" Liam never wanted for things to get this deep.

"Just forget it." Shane said, turning away, trying not to care. "I... I can't look up to you anymore. not after this. This was fucked up Liam. This was really fucked up."

Shane looked at him one last time and walked away towards Amy. Liam watched as Shane laid down by her and the tree.

**Part III**

Amy ignored Shane's new presence as she scribbled on her notepad. She was used to Shane's mood-swings and strangeness. He was her only friend now it seemed. Him and Lauren, somehow.

"I can't believe he slept with you," Shane said, rolling over on his side and staring daggers in Liam's direction. Amy looked up quick and then right back down. Shane was pulling at the grass, angerly, ripping it to shreds absentmindedly with one active hand.

"I slept with him too shane," Amy reminded, unaffected. Her voice rose at the end as if to say, _you know it takes two_. He noticed her doodling and tugged the book from her hands.

"What's this?!" He asked, smiling. She hugged herself as he read. "Hair red as fire, eyes deep like the sea. Oh wish, I wish, oh wish, sweet wind, please guide her safe to me..." He paused for a moment before asking, "Dickinson?"

"Raudenfeld," she answered, pulling the notebook back and taking her pen to it again. She had been drawing a picture of karma twirling in the wind and she wanted to get the spirals right in the clouds. There was also something missing in her gaze. "Bet you think I'm pathetic," Amy said.

"On the contrary," Shane corrected. "I wish more people were like you." He stared at her a while, noting her blush. Then he grabbed the notebook again and she fought him for it. They laughed as they wrestled. Shane won of course, he wanted it more.

"How long have you been making these?" Shane asked, flipping through the pages and noticing several pictures with words placed around them. All the pictures were of Karma. She was dancing or sitting or staring off into space.

"I dunno," Amy confessed. "How long have I been in love?"

He looked up at her and pouted. "You should give her this," he said, holding the notebook up and away from her.

"Yeah, no. I think I've creeped her out enough." Amy grimaced at the thought. "Stalkery pictures of her are not gonna help my cause."

"Oh come on, Karma loves you," Shane smiled. "She's been mourning you like you've been dead. You can't stop staring at each other. You sit alone and brood..." He didn't know what else to say. If Karma didn't care, Amy and her wouldn't be the way that they were. Karma obviously cared, about everything.

"I can't help that I love her," Amy said guiltily. "The least I can do is keep it to myself."

Shane's heart broke just watching her with that reasoning. It made sense. It was the kind thing to do. She was trying to remove herself as this problem in Karma's life. But Amy wasn't a problem, she never was.

"I'm taking this," Shane said, ripping out her latest page, the one with Karma getting caught up and carried on the wind.

From across the quad Laim had sat down next to karma and words were coming out of him.

"Shane's mad at me," he said, unsure of who he should confide in anymore.

"Friends aren't what they used to be," Karma spoke dazedly, her eyes only on Amy and how painfully far away they always seemed to be from one another. She hugged her knees and stared unflinching. Amy was fighting with Shane and they were laughing by the tree. It hurt karma more to see her laugh. She hadn't made Amy laugh and smile since the night of the wedding.

"He blames me for you," Liam said.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, realizing he wanted to talk.

"Shane thinks it's my fault, me and amy.. you know..." Had sex.

"Why are you telling me this?" Karma asked, looking over at him kind of shocked and not at all pleased.

"Do you think it's my fault?" He asked nervously, wanting her truthful answer. "I think it's all complicated." She didn't know what he wanted her to say and for once Karma didn't care.

"Amy wanted to sleep with you. You wanted to sleep with Amy. I wanted to tell the truth but couldn't. Shane wanted for things to be simple." She hugged her knees, still staring off at her distant friend whom she missed. "It's hard to say whose fault any of this is. And it doesn't matter…" She was sure.

"Of course it matters," Liam said, angrily.

"It doesn't matter to me. We all screwed up… Least of all Amy and she seems the most damaged."

"So she's a saint and I'm a predator?!" Liam whined.

"I didn't say that!" She corrected aggressively, staring over at him as if he had slapped her with an open hand.

He realized his anger had beat him to reason. "Oh God, I'm sorry Karma. I dunno why I'm bothering you with this."

"It's fine, whatever," Karma said, shaking her head.

"I guess I thought that, Shane's right and that's the reason you and I…"

"No," Karma said aggressively, stopping the convo right where it started. "Mistakes were made and there is no going back. There is no you and I." She wanted him to know.

"I'm sorry," he felt idiotic now, so stupid. He shouldn't have bothered her and brought any of it up.

Across the quad Amy was watching and nervous. She almost felt like going over and stealing Karma because Karma looked uncomfortable and angry. Despite all that had happened she still wanted to help.

Karma saw Amy's face, the way she stared with nervousness and care, bordering on action. She saw and Amy turned away.

"You guys gotta stop this," Shane said, seeing it all.

"There's nothing I can do," Amy said, remembering her pain and trying again to forget.


End file.
